英语:2012考研英语写作经验浅谈[1]
2011-08-01 16:47:12 高考
time on it.
有了主题句，后面就该围绕这一主题句中consume worthlessly/spend worthlessly进行扩展，这个语词可称作这一段落的支配观点。如何扩展呢？先来分析一下这个短语中到底含有什么，第一，consume/spend，耗费时间；第二，worthless，毫无价值，甚至有害。
关于consume/spend的扩展现在已经变化的很清晰了，只要写出电脑耗了那些人大量的时间就可以了。至于怎样表现大量间不须我再说了，举例就行了。
然后扩展worthless，这里也很晰了，只须写出这些时间毫无回报，甚会遗害。也是举例就可以了。见下文。
As is shown in the picture above, a hand is tightly glued to a computer mouse linked to a personal computer by an iron chain. Clearly, the iron chain stands for the control of the computer over the person who indulges himself in the cyberspace. An implication from the picture can be figured out that the personal computer, a high-tech device originally created for saving time and energy so as to benefit humankind, ironically turns out to be a gadget murdering the time and energy of quite some people.
The personal computer worthlessly consumes the time of those addicted to it. A survey shows the average time spent on it of those addicted amounts to 16 hours a day. And the minimum continuous time spent on thel computer is 12 hours, while the maximum soars surprisingly to 168 hours—a whole week! Needlessly to say, the computer has eaten up their time for work, for sports and, worse still, their precious time for rest—a natural activity for refreshment to keep the body functioning normally.
The personal computer has also depleted their vigor. In the survey, almost all those computer freaks feel sluggish in their jobs. They have lost their interests in outdoor activities. Some even become so feeble that they sweat when standing for a short while. It seems that they are being burned out by the high-tech monster.
willingking的第三段析评:
What should be done to cope with this severe phenomenon? In the first place, we must advertise more on this subject by mass media, in order to keep folks informed of the harm of abusing computers. In the second place, an education campaign must be launched, particularly among the get-use-to-computers young people. In the third place, the government should pass through relevant laws to limit on-line games. All in all, the whole society should try their best to solve this problem.
总体评语
第三段willinging总体上写得不错，提出了具体的解决办法，呼应了文章的一开始，没有走题，不错。问题在于办法虽多，却基本上没有写清楚为什么可以用这些办法的理由。这样一来，办法的可信度、意义就大打折扣了。
技巧评语
还可以。但还是显得欠灵活。其实，只需提出一种办法，说清楚它的好处就可以了。另外，第一句像是凑字数；这一问是不必要的。另外最后一句并没有能够围绕这一段中的前面三个办法来总述，显得大而无当。这似乎也是很多初学英语写作者的通病，喜欢大发感慨。
语言评语
罗嗦。第一句当删除。第二in the first place，可改为firstly; 后面的至少可改为we must inform them the harms from abusing computers by the mass media; 所以第一句可以改成，To solve the problem, we must inform them the harms of abusing computers。 后面的类似，不再赘言。总的来说，语言过于追求复杂，使得要点淹没于眼花缭乱的词语和句式之中。
关于结尾
结尾部分的主要功能再于呼应主题，使得文章有完整性。至于结尾的方法，多数写作教材都有说明。这里不再多说。但有一点还可提醒大家，结尾中该说清楚的地方还是要说清楚的。比如willingking的结尾没有提出每种办法的回报会体现在什么地方，因而结尾在细节方面不太成功。
As is shown in the picture above, a hand is tightly glued to a computer mouse linked t
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